Psalm 40

Blessed is the man
who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.

Many, O LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.

Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,
but my ears you have pierced;
burnt offerings and sin offerings
you did not require.
Then I said, "Here I am, I have come--
it is written about me in the scroll.

I desire to do you will, O my GOD; your law is within my heart."

v. 4-8 (thanks for the photo, pete)

disdain for the American "idol"

As many of you know, there are very few things in this world that I hate. I probably couldn't name 5 things that I absolutely cannot stand. But I think I have added one more to my very short list- American Idol.
Why, you might ask, do you hate it so? Aren't you a singer? Isn't that what you would love to do? Umm. No. American Idol isn't singing. It is an embarrassment to the world of vocal arts.

I sat with my mother during our quality time and listened to every auditionee from Seattle and Minneapolis this past week. But it was all I could do not to throw up from the horrible feeling I had for the people auditioning. They were being harassed and ridiculed. These people get the guts enough to go up in front of judges, in front of millions of viewers and sing their little hearts out and they just laugh right in their faces. I'm not by any means saying that they were good- most, if not all of them, could not sing their way out of a paper bag, but they were trying. (Unfortunately they didn't realize they were bad before coming to the show, that would have saved them the embarrassment a little, but still). There are other ways to say that they are not meant for the stage other than laughing at them. It's called tact. It's called constructive criticism. It's called DECENCY. I felt nauseous for the people auditioning- I was physically ill.

On the other hand, I can see it from the judges perspective- "What in the world is this person doing here!? They are tone deaf!" And hearing those kind of people over and over again cannot be fun. But these are the "professional" judges that are supposedly some of the best in the business, yet they use words like "pitchy". They always say "It's a little too pitchy for me." What the heck does that mean? Are there too many pitches? Not enough pitches? It makes no sense. Not in any of my million music classes and/or ensembles have I ever been more or less "pitchy" than I should have been. Why? Because it's not a word, folks.

So instead of having a decent competition between viable competitors, America wants to watch inarticulate "professional" musicians ridicule, dismiss, harass, and laugh at people that cannot sing to save their lives. Does anyone else think this is a little sick?

it's faith that gives stability

(photo by Ryan Lyhnam)

I miss Italy. I didn't think I would this much, but I do. Maybe I miss it because in some strange way, it was stable to me. My own apartment, great classes, great lessons. I knew what I was doing everyday, I knew what was coming next and I didn't look too far into the future. But at the same time, I was in a place I didn't know- it was new and exciting and there was certainly variety, a must in my life. Every weekend would be different, every morning. How could this place feel more stable than the my own home? With everything I have ever known so close?

Oh wait.

Perhaps its because I have no idea what I am going to do with my life. Nothing in my life seems to be stable. I've applied to graduate schools for performance but there is no guarentee and even if I do get in- what are the odds of me actually being a singer for the rest of my life? I feel too logical and realistic for music to be a passion of mine. I barely know what I am going to do next summer let alone what I want to do for the rest of my life. Auditions are coming up and I'm nervous. I have to make a lot of decisions about my life in the very near future. But all of these things are silly.

Because God is taking care of me. I'm happy- really happy. He's got something huge planned. Yeah, it may not be in the center of La Scala's stage and it may not be a record deal, but I know it will be perfect. Because that is what His will is.

Trust. Pray. And take big deep breaths.