29 May 2009
25 May 2009
why don't I blog more?
I have been asking this question to myself a lot lately. I like to talk, to share my thoughts on the world, and I certainly have opinions. So, why don't I let people know what is going on in my life and randomly blog about the things going on in my head? Events make it up onto the blog, but I don't really...
To be completely honest, I know the answer to this but am a little embarrassed to share it. But, I am going to. The reason? I am honestly scared to death of what people think of me. Yes, you. I care what you think of me. It cripples me beyond belief, actually. I wouldn't admit this to myself and it has taken a lot to realize and to start to get over this annoying fact about me... but it's happening. I am slowly but surely caring more deeply and truly what God wants for me rather than what people do. This is only happening through God's grace, constant encouragement from my soon-to-be other half, and a lot of prayer. I am a people-pleaser... a chronic people-pleaser (I know, some of you are thinking "Well, DUH, Kate..."). I want people to like me (duh!) and will do anything in my power to get that to happen... in the end it seems, though, those people get hurt and I have lost myself, who I am in Christ, and things God has convicted me of.
Why don't I want people to see Christ in me more? I mean, I do... hopefully we all believers want that to some degree, but my sinful nature and twisted sense of self urges me to crave affirmation from other people instead of Christ... and I think it's killing me, killing my spirit, and squelching Christ's radiance in me.
I'm only a few chapters into it, but I started reading a book by Edward Welch called "When People are Big and God is Small". I'm sure it doesn't have all the answers, but I am praying it gives me a little more perspective as I am on the road to recovery. A recovering people-pleaser.
God is faithful. He is the only constant in my life and long to praise Him more fully.
But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere.
2 Corinthians 2:14
To be completely honest, I know the answer to this but am a little embarrassed to share it. But, I am going to. The reason? I am honestly scared to death of what people think of me. Yes, you. I care what you think of me. It cripples me beyond belief, actually. I wouldn't admit this to myself and it has taken a lot to realize and to start to get over this annoying fact about me... but it's happening. I am slowly but surely caring more deeply and truly what God wants for me rather than what people do. This is only happening through God's grace, constant encouragement from my soon-to-be other half, and a lot of prayer. I am a people-pleaser... a chronic people-pleaser (I know, some of you are thinking "Well, DUH, Kate..."). I want people to like me (duh!) and will do anything in my power to get that to happen... in the end it seems, though, those people get hurt and I have lost myself, who I am in Christ, and things God has convicted me of.
Why don't I want people to see Christ in me more? I mean, I do... hopefully we all believers want that to some degree, but my sinful nature and twisted sense of self urges me to crave affirmation from other people instead of Christ... and I think it's killing me, killing my spirit, and squelching Christ's radiance in me.
I'm only a few chapters into it, but I started reading a book by Edward Welch called "When People are Big and God is Small". I'm sure it doesn't have all the answers, but I am praying it gives me a little more perspective as I am on the road to recovery. A recovering people-pleaser.
God is faithful. He is the only constant in my life and long to praise Him more fully.
But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere.
2 Corinthians 2:14
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